I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. Subscribe now (do it here) and dont miss a single column. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. The idea that anyone has to resort to porn, masturbating or ignoring their own healthy needs and desires to actually connect skin to skin with their partner while exchanging looks and words of passion and enjoying, it is wrong. Oh, and me driving the car, she has panic attacks and asks I dont drive. When emotional intimacy dies a slow death in your relationship, its possible that it could signal an affair. In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. If you feel that my wife never initiates physical contact, you may be wondering if your marriage is doomed. My doctor keeps a close eye on me too. Medication also he ls good to me but his hobby ls everything to him he jokes around with me we are like room I am now trying to get into health club manament and the barriers for that seem less difficult. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. :(, Wow Chris D!! I do not wish this upon anyone!!! But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. And please dont tell me counseling. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. After reading this feed, thanks for sharing stories but I know where dirty old man comes from, darn wives holding out! I lve my wife more now then when we got married. Help her through this transition andensure that she feels confident, no matter what changes her body has gone through. A lack of time and attention will naturally cause distance to creep into the marriage, which will take its toll on your sex life too. I am 64 and met a 75 widower for 13 years whom exercises, takes a natural supplement to help with blood flow, and takes occasional viagra. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. Ive tried all the normal things too. If men want more sex the this is what you should do. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. We are both active and healthy. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. Absolutely! love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. Who sacrifices? I realize that I really dont know your reasons for not wanting to be sexual with me whether it hurts you, or theres something Im doing or not doing. Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. She didnt. We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence. Thank goodness we get along well in every other area, however Im at a loss. I really miss the intimacy we used to have when we were sexual. Regards Glenn. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. I only wrote this, to just say it. Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. I really miss a girlfriend I used to have who loved giving me oral sex. He is ten years older. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. Its one thing to have trouble with arousal, or other sexual difficulties. Sex for men is like passing gas or eating: its just a physical thing that needs to get done. Good luck. If there are other underlying problems such as financial constraints or strained relationships with the in-laws, the stress could be killing her libido and be the reason why your wife avoids sex. Im throwing my partner out the door due to his rants and anger over lack of sex. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. They can go months and years without sex and then the menopause hits and then theyre completely done. Just has zero desire. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. She is a poor communicator and no matter how much I ask she gives me the silent treatment and thinks its OK. I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. My husband and I are working on these issues now, and it takes some serious ,painful discussion. All rights reserved. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. In the room. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. (Note to women reading this thread: though the accepted wisdom is women love big penises, Ive found in my experience that its certainly not universal. Look, I am an RN and living with a man who is 5 years older than me. 18 months later I was told NO sex, by the way we had not had regular sex for near 15 years, and Sexless for near 10. Why do men who want more sex end up insulting someone who has a pet? I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. I just dont understand. Instead, tell her how much you love being intimate with her, not only because it feels great but because it makes you feel more connected to her. **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. He is either not attracted to you, depressed, or preoccupied. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. By the way, I love, desire, and adore my husband, but I recognize I will never have my needs met after almost 50 years. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. Bull. Then tell them what your plans are or not, but do not put your sexual and intimacy needs on hold the rest of your life because it is the sign you love someone. I have been married for almost 30 years and except for 3 wonderful children our sex life has been hit and miss. **The husband has NO right to sex, or anything else. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. Being uncomfortable in their own skin and ashamed of the extra weight is a common reason why women start avoiding physical intimacy with their spouses. This so frustrating at times. I think my wife [67] realises that with my having ED she no longer has any potential competition so isnt obliged to have sex because I wont be strayingand I dont want her to feel obliged,thats as bad as no sex,so the answer, literally, is in my own hands, my husband has done too many drugs and cant get it up its been six years i need sex. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. I have a consulting business in devlopment now, because Social Security isnt enough to save money. If a couple's sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn't tend to feel good for the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely. I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. Are you crazy? If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife. Do we cheat and risk hurting our wives and husbands? Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. . Been sleeping in separate beds since surgery. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. He is overly stressed from work. Wednesday, August 30, 2017 We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. Dont know what todo he wont talk about his If your wife has recently lost interest in sex, it might be tied to her feelings about her body these days. For the past eight years it has been like I am married to my sister. Im 15 years younger than my husband. Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. You have made a commitment to one another to do more than go through the daily grind or process of pretending to have a mutual satisfying relationship when in fact, you are simply roommates! Someday I might take a sex vacation overseas. Your wife avoids intimacy because she feels neither desirable nor sexy. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. Just need the fortitude to go. 7 years no sex!!! Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as, , improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. Men must risk themselves, including sacrificing their own lives if necessary, to protect the women and children in their care. We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. Frankly, Im ready for a change of scene because this is like living with someone who it seems might be happier living off by himself. Since this is our first child, I dont even know whats normal and what isnt. There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. We could have worked it out. Some get away with a happy one. I gotta stop coming here and reading this. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. It destroyed us and our marriage for all intents and purposes. It's not about love - you love him, no question. After the Revenge cheat she had the nerve to Because I am not attractive to her. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. I hope that she too will woo me, always, as well. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. My wife is 54 and started menopause at 46. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. Who risks? Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. What men want is for her to have some of that drive back. Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. When a woman looses her ovaries and/or had a hysterectomy the sex drive goes. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. No doubt youre frustrated. BUT I agree If I was an electronic game, or a bead of some kind I would get some attention.. We have had a very good sex life up until a few years ago, and she has had many good sexual adventures. Maybe, she knows of your infidelity, but hasnt spoken about it? Resentment Colors your entire relationship gray. You both shatter into a million pieces, and when you emerge from the depths of pain for air, you find that though you are still in love with each other, nothing will ever be the same again. . However this does not mean that sex should just cease and its quite difficult for one party in a marriage or long term relationship to just do without something like this because the other party has lost interest (or is depressed), or whatever. Id be saying goodbye! Having children may be one reason intimacy has decreased in your marriage, but it is not the only reason. No way you are real!!! But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! So, maybe you need to think about going back to being friends and not husband and wife? Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? That was 20 years ago. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. Women love that. Just curious. Some of it comes from knowing that your partner is unhappy," she writes at mbg. Or you can try and find a willing partner. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. We were both virgins when we married. Be the man who won her heart! When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Ask your wife about how she's feeling about the relationship, about you, and about your life together, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. . Sound off: What are some other practical things you can do as a husband to increase intimacy? The thing thats in the way the most for me ISNT all the atrophy, the breast surgery, the continuing oral chemo therapy, the fatigue that I have. We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! This isnt one of those seasons things, she believing a lie from the devil to her, to destroy your marriage. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. Many of these comments are a breath of fresh air. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant What the heck! My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. I am 62 and my husband is 63. She told me after having foreplay she thinks her vagina is dead because nothing arouses her. When your husband keeps getting fired and he sits on the computer all day and rarely does anything around the house but bitches and complains about this or that and he puts you down and calls you names. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like shes failing at this parenting thing. I have been married for 40 years this coming July. . Maybe she rejects your sexual advances whenever you make them, and it's been a long while since you've had sex with each other. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. It may be helpful for her to speak with her doctor about her struggles with libido, if relevant, to see if an adjustment in her treatment plan may help. The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it. I though it was my age, now I am 65 look OK, but not yong any more. You have your wife, intimacy is so much better than busting a nut and orgasming, why does this make us feel better? I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. Then it was more of a hurry it up thing. What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. My husband has no sex drive at all. She is a vegetarian and a purist in many ways, rejecting hormone therapy because of the published risks of breast cancer associated with hormone therapy, though small, my doctor stated. I dont believe calling sex your duty is accurate at all. She was before marriage. EXACTLY!!! I grew up ramming into me that Im there for husbands sole desire. I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. I was too vain and just average. If your wife never initiates affection, it could be due to any of the reasons listed above in this article. Because we always hear guys complaining! "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. * PLATFORM OR CMS. There are many reasons for vaginal pain, if indeed thats what shes experiencing, and getting the right medical help is essential. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. I dont masturbate much because I would prefer to be with her. We all deserve to be held, to be touched, to be told and shown we are desired and needed for far more than cleaning a house, fixing a meal or providing a paycheck. I have a simple fix for all this. and I feel I have been cheated. Take what you can, now. Ive been married to my husband for 35 + years to an indifferent withholder for the entire marriage. Im Maried for 5 years and from one year until now my wife change completely like a different person she don't let me hold her hands or touch her or kiss her and sex more than 6 months that she don't have sex with me I asked her if she don't love me anymore and she say that she love me and I asked her why she's doing you know all the . As I recall when we first started dating we were watching porn together. When we were young, we had sex every single day. This is how civilizations are built. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. . As sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, once told mbg, "There's a two-way relationship between relationship satisfaction and sexual desire.". I enjoy sex, but I am often fatigued and have low energy. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? I NEED an active partner. It wont fix the sexless marriage. 2. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. Unfortunately the one thing that was supposed to save civilization was the internet. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. If not he should go on in it. Ive moved on!!! No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. Not addressing the problem out of fear of confrontation will only make matters worse. It may also help to learn about different forms of desire discrepancy. How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? Gopa explains how having a partner who has severe trust issues can also be the reason why theres no intimacy in marriage from the wife. , checking in with yourself is also good. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. I do raise the issue with her from time to time. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. Am I ugly? If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. !life is def funny!! After my wife lost interest, I told her that we either opened our marriage or divorced. In this case, you can turn the tide for your sex life by simply becoming more involved in running the household and making your wife feel special by going the extra mile toreduce her burden. The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. I do, however, feel like absolute shit about the negative impact on my husband who is six years younger than me and who has always had a high (higher than mine, anyway) sex drive. oh Pamela, I hear you! All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. Should they swallow it just to make you feel good? The phone started beeping and making its different sounds at 630am. You are not catering to her sexual needs, How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating, build a successful relationship after cheating, communication exercises with your partner, 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. Men, if you want sex and the answer at home is no, you can accept that the last time you had sex will be it until you die. Why is it that Men are the ones left out in the cold Masturbating in the dark. I am 62 and much healthier than my wife. And you are wasting your life . I will do what makes me happy because obviously no one else will. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. by *someone!! I read this with interest. Guess were done here . Marriage is a dream or a fantasy. Soon thereafter, she lost interest altogether and would reject me, citing we would schedule a weekend session which never occurred. There is a lot more going on there. Whatever your wife is going through that causes you to think, My wife never initiates intimacy, is probably just as worrisome to her as it is to you. Id like to hear how you feel. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. Blah blah blah. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. If you're feeling rejected sexually, spice up your appearance. Not sure what feels worse, not getting any or getting it with her just laying there. For women its submitting to the protector of her choosing and bearing only his children. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. Please explain to me. struggles or clinical depression? Now the difficult part. . She wont do therapy and I dont want sex because someone forces her to. If I wish to continue my marriage , I guess I should just accept the situation and carry the cross of feeling unsatisfied. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. As I explained before on seniorplanet.org, spontaneous desire just happens, while responsive desire only happens after a womans body starts getting aroused. But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some.

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