A place to put self-posts for discussion, questions, or anything else you like. Hi, Im so very sorry for your loss. They were 14 & 12. He was supposedly intoxicated at the time and beside him they found his bible and three letters to me. This has torn me apart literally. And the world is a worse place without her.. FallenAngel, Im truly so sorry for your loss. I am going to miss his warm arms and how he loved me. She sent years self medicating to numb her pain. How could a 13 year-old know how to react in this situation. It was a total shock and sursprise to all of us. Jen I so agree with youdrugs and alcohol do such damage to the happy parts of the brain and the sadness created is unbearable for many people, Anita Pandolfe May 18, 2016 at 8:08 am Reply, Penny Caldwell May 18, 2016 at 12:38 am Reply. One son had a visible disease and the other had an invisible disease, but they both chose to end their pain. Rip weary souls and much love to all my fellow survivors. I feel very guilty because I feel like because of me my children do not have a father. It typically doesnt bother me too much, but it seems that I hear a suicide joke at least once a week. Please seek help. She and all the others in the comments are in a better place. Friends have drowned, overdosed, been murdered, car accidents, disease, and nothing hurts quite like this. But I was always his, and he was always mine. After a suicide death, as with any other type of death, the bereaved may seek to make sense of what happened. I miss him so much, I can relate with you 100% if you ever need someone to talk to plz feel free to email me at jackboy918@yahoo.com, My 23 year old elder sister whom I loved the most in my life killed herself by suicide one month ago She was kind, loving, helpful, used to think about others happiness before her and was the best person in my life Life is just so hard after her for me and my whole familyI m just 19 but feel like ending my life too because that incident changed my life 360 degree I m depressed, guilty and all alone I feel I will never be happy in my life again and life has no meaning for me still for my family I wont do anything like this because they wont be able to take another shock The thing which hurts me the most is that to some extent I knew she was not ok due to her breakup and small family fights I tried to make her understand but it was not enough I should have understood her in better way She told no one in family but me and my cousin She used to say to me that I dont know if after your birthday I would be there or not but I didnt take it seriously and thought she is joking to tease me because she was so mature and so caring I thought she is elder than me and knows better this is not right and she killed her in the same month.. We suspected he was suffering from depression and was fed up because of my uncle who gave him a hard time was not a good son to him. We got her to see a therapist. I know my life is changed and I do wonder when I will find my zest for life again. My son COMPLETED SUICIDE. Even in elementary school, she had deep cuts in her wrists. It is really possible to get your loved one back using the jump. His bicycle is in my shed. Perceived rejection and thoughts of worthlessness. They of course are older, but they loved him with all their hearts, as I did. I dont have any siblings, so I moved with my fianc into my moms house where it happened. Even on the OK Days the dark shadow of my brothers suicide is always close by. Several of my nieces and nephews were there with their families and they were all down at the lake. The mother and father of a disabled girl who died after becoming morbidly obese and police found her body covered in maggots, have been jailed. How and why did this have to happen to us? But it did and I am wrecked. Please know that your feelings are normal and valid. I begged his family to help, but they didnt want to acknowledge his mental illness and addiction because that would damage their reputation. April 14,2008 My big brother died that way too. As a family we havent, and will Never be the same. I didnt really like this guys other friends either, and I said to her that Ill just come knock for her in the morning if I dont turn up.. ( that phone call.. could of changed our lifes if it went differently ). No one can understand this struggle and the pain unless it has happened to you. I would love to talk to you privately if youre up for it. So Ive carried that guilt of not being there or even not being on good terms. I was not aware of those things until after his death. He knew you would drop everything and chose not to reach out. My big sister. He was a brilliant artist with a strong intellect, warm, charming, and witty. Maybe thats where he was, and he wanted me to know he was happy. the night he killed himself he told me how happy he was he had never been this happy in his lifehe had the best kids in the world, his 2 and my 2, he had the best parents, the best siblings and the best girlfriend in the world. And we will never ever not feel the pain of this on some level. He was my best friend from the start. Im 34 now, and just had a dream he killed someone else in front of me. On the 13th of this month(December), he sent me a text saying I hype to have a good day. My Brother decided to end his life 8 years ago. Ill never know. He also said he was a burden in his letters he left. The worst thing to ever happen is when my beautiful son did the same thing. I am harsh with idiots who say the wrong things I tell them to get lost, to leave me alone ! We had a fight after he went through my phone, we argued, and he threw a glass against the wall. Your comment made me think of the episode. The men we think are the strongest sometimes are the ones in the most pain and best at hiding it. I dont sleep well and frequently get up and read or play solitaire. Finally after eternity passed, the car door opened and a paramedic reached in. RT @c_kedge: My brother had 2 massive Pulmonary Embolism, years after having his back broken in 3 places at work (2 undiagnosed a decade+). My brother shot himself Tuesday and left behind a wife, 2 young children and the rest of us lost. I NEED PRAYERS ASAP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! I know it hurts that youre family is treating you like that, they obviously dont understand how it feels like to have depression and so they are afraid but reject you when you need them. The Alabama alum plays inside, completing the three-cone drill in . It is not uncommon for themes of personal blame to arise, as the person questions their role in their loved ones suicide and what they could have done to prevent their death. She left the poem Children Learn What They Live with her note. My brother shot himself in the head with a shotgun in his backyard 3 weeks ago. It does not mean you will act on those thoughts. here seems like a good place to just, i dont know, put it out? My son made his first suicide attempt at age 18. When he got inside my papa told him. This pain just doesnt feel like it goes away but I know he will be with me forever. I both loved unconditionally, and despised and resented, this man, locked in a battle with myself over how I could love someone who treated me so badly, and how I could cut ties with someone I felt so irreversibly connected with. This is consuming me. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt or other feelings until you can let them go. But its hard to not think what if there was something else I could have done to help her. She was amazing. But what I will say is that the God of the Christian Bible is a God of mercy and compassion, who cared for the sick and the suffering. But this website has continued to be my resource. I am so sorry. But I truly thought things were getting better as he got older. linda September 19, 2017 at 3:10 pm Reply. It was more than just a young love as some people might say. There is no shame, whatsoever, in caring for yourself. I have felt many emotions. And something inside me broke when I heard the news. I am so, so sorry. I ended my engagement; how could I marry if my best friend wasnt with me? She used to say that we were born as warriors and warriors dont complain about being warriors and their purpose is to keep fighting. I keep thinking he is still in his room and expect him to come down the stairs and share some silly reddit meme, which were often his attempts to connect with me. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. And I know what your thinking "this wasn't your fault" but it was. I have used your site many, many times as a chaplain and have referred so many other caregivers and bereaved to these helpful resources. Most of all, I cannot shake the feeling that I could have done something, that I could have been more present, more aware, that I should have seen the signs. A couple of my sons friends had their mothers do that before they contacted me themselves. My heart goes out to you. Its heavy on my mind and I am so scared that I contributed to his decision. But love them anyway and tell them. Its hard to watch a loved one go through that, but at the end of the day, all of it has its place in life. Thing is, I didnt see his text until 30 minutes later. I know you feel alone in this but I assure you there are people who understand exactly how much you are hurting. Love never dies. Potentially traumatic deaths can result in the compounding and intertwining of trauma and grief responses. Of course they asked my husband and I to keep an eye out which we did. I have definitely barried a lot of my emotions regarding this event because sometimes it just seems easier that way even though I know it may not be healthy. We had such a loving relationship that it is hard for me to understand that it was not enough for him to continue to live for. I had 2 friends hang themselves, the later I found and had 2 cut down. That was on a Friday morning, I just didnt talk to him much,our daughter came out to stay a few days with us on Sat. I hope and pray that there are those around you that can give you the love and care that you need at this time! I have been tormented, stalked, and blamed by my late Fiances friends and family. My dad always says if you are going through hell- keep going until you get through it. Dont worry about tomorrow or even later today or what you could have done in the past. I will forever. Then it all turned around when we got home and the alcohol started to get into his blood deeper. suicide can have such a devastating impact on the lives of those who are left behind, feelings of anger, grief, betrayal, confusion and hurt are normal, however when left unspoken can warp someones world into the depths of hell. Irene November 29, 2019 at 12:15 am Reply. That hed had great losses as a consequence. With this in mind, we recommend you learn what you can from your commonalities with other grievers, but take differences with a grain of salt. althought i can totally picture in my mind how he was found. This runs through my head everyday. My dad died by suicide when I was five, so I dont remember much of him and that is part of the pain. Papi and I are spending the Holiday Season in Quebec, to try to escape from the pain for a little while. Crisis Text . poor him. After that I had finals so we didnt communicate that much, but he did come to see me and my siblings everyday. That Iwas doing all I could to help her and encourage her to be as independent as possible.Our two older children that live away from us and have been for years,they are twenty years older than Lindsey,always said I spoiled her.Then losing her Daddy so suddenly both of us watching him go from seeming fine,laughing and watching TV to being gone,just gone in a matter of minutes.He died of a sudden heart attack. Some days are so hard to get through just wondering why my brother took his life. Self inflicted gunshot to his head. A decade of his disability and being the sole provider in our family wore on me and I shut down too. I had been in so much emotional pain. Adapted from I. Bolton & C. Mitchell. Im sorry, but i say my mother committed suicide. So I know he had other things going on that probably had a big affect on his mental health. He was going through immense depression at such a young age of 17. He asked the cops if he could grap his wallet out of his truck to give to are parents and they said sure. I know he had been depressed but didnt want to get help. The way my life was changed through his action is something I could never have predicted. I dont know if I can go on, my heart is broken and destroyed by these suicides and the pain that neither my wife or son aske for or deserved. Anyway, Im just looking to connect with anyone that also lost their significant other- especially after they had a baby. I no longer feel like anything matters anymore. By Tuesday after his stepfather & I made tons of calls the police were called. May you enjoy days between now and then where the sun shines warmly on your face, and where your pain may give way to memories of sweeter days. If anyone has any suggestions or ways I can connect- let me know. I feel like i cant love anymore. I have fought for her to help her for years but as you know.. mentally ill people are very difficult to deal with on any level. "I'll . We were together from a young age and he was in and out of substance misuse. Carolyn April 11, 2019 at 2:44 pm Reply. Suicide is the biggest killer of men in the UK under 50. You have every right to feel how you are feeling right now.

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